A Love Letter

Dear Varun,


I pray you send me back my heart,
Since I cannot have yours;
For if from yours you will not part,
Why, then, should you have mine?

Since you've been gone, every morning when I get out of bed, I look into the mirror hoping to find my smile. But as usual, no smile. I look and I look, but it's nowhere to be found. I keep my eyes peeled wherever I go, but still no luck. When I try to think just where it might be, I can't help but wonder, if maybe you know, because the last time I saw it, I was with you.
I remember the first time I saw you, I hated you then. I thought you were an obnoxious bugbear with a swollen head. How stupid of me! Later, when I got to really talk to you, I couldn’t have changed my opinion more. I laughed with you; you made me smile like an idiot when I was feeling my worst, and I felt whole, complete, and wonderfully happy just to be alive, just to spend a precious few minutes with you everyday. But then, one day I woke up and it was all gone, ‘This isn’t right', you said, and walked out. I felt empty, hollow, torn apart, ravaged.
But still, I could never hate you. I don’t hate you even now, and I never will.

I think about you often you know, when I’m on the brink of falling asleep. Like I somehow believe you will slip quietly into my dreams, where you are always with me. I hate waking up because I know, painfully, that you will be with me no longer, that you will cease to exist the moment my eyelids flutter open, and that’s why I go to bed early everyday. Just to be with you longer.
I didn't ask for it to be over, but then again, I never asked for it to begin. Because that’s how it always is, as some of the most beautiful days come completely by chance. But even the most beautiful days eventually have their sunsets. Mine came unexpectedly, just when it felt perfect.
Maybe some people just aren't meant to be in our lives forever. Maybe some people are just passing through. It's like some people just come through our lives to bring us something: a gift, a blessing, a lesson we need to learn, and then they go on with their lives and let us live ours, better. You taught me many things, though unknowingly, to laugh out loud, to give unconditionally, to be warm and friendly, and also that letting go is stronger than holding on, and sometimes its how you express your love.
I never wanted to leave you, but then I realised, you never leave someone behind; you take a part of them with you and leave a part of yourself behind. Its that part of you that resides in me, that I have come to love so much and cherish even more, that guides me, that gives me courage, hope, strength to move on, and will be a part of me till I die. It’s like a beautifully exotic flower that you see while traveling in a far-off place, to pluck it and take it with you would mean watching it die, but leaving it behind and carrying only its sweet exhilarating memory will make your journey worthwhile.
Thanks for being a part of my life.

Yours,
Maya